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Money Laundering.

i've played out every possible scenario in my head, like i was the actress and you were my audience. and i owned the stage in my mind, i knew teh script and it just flowed out, i never had to think or call for a line. an award winning performance...
but thats just it, its all an act. and sometimes my knees buckle when i get nervous. and i bite my nails and get blue polish in my teeth.

because, i guess, in 20 years, im still going to be the quirky girl who wakes up with a grumpy face. i'm still going to be afraid to be in the dark alone. and i will still have social anxiety.
i'm not trying to win a trophy. for once my life isn't about a competition, because win or lose, i've finally found that i'm still going to be me. maybe less and not much more.
because when i thought about games, the words monopoloy or candyland came to mind. and the older i get, the more i realize that there is nothing wrong with that. because, at this point, i don't even care if i don't get to be the car or the boot, and you can even keep your $200 when i pass go, i just want to play. with you.

6:46 p.m. - 2012-06-22

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