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explosions in the sky

So what do I do when I am sad?
I listen to sad songs, and live in them like they are my own memories. And I cry.
God, I cry.

I hate feeling like I'm compiled of 8,000 little pieces. Because if one crumbles, the whole damn thing just falls apart. Like a puzzle with a missing corner piece. It's not even worth putting together if they aren't all there. The picture just isn't complete.
I feel like I'm missing a few pieces these days.

I used to love riding around during the summer listening to music as loud as my speakers would play. I would think about all the things that were wrong in my life. Back then, it used to be easier things, like my boyfriend didn't call me or I missed the game winning goal at soccer. Now, I listen to songs and think about heavier things. Like my grandparents are dead, or the boy I love is at war for the 6th time, or I'm homesick and living alone 500 miles away from my mom and adorable niece (that is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on).
I'm just fucking sad.
It's okay to have days like this, I suppose.

I want to have babies. I want to be the cool tattooed parents on the block that names their kid an awesome name and gives their kid a mohawk at an unappropriately young age. Mostly, I just want to see how beautiful our kids are going to be. Curly dark hair, olive skin, giant cow eyes, and pretty pink lips. Something about me feels ready, even though I know I'm still too young and selfish about the time I spend with my lover.

I'm really just typing this much because I wish you were here. My best friend. I want to lay in the grass, watch the stars, dream about running away to another country. I'd abandon it all right now if you asked nicely enough....

I wouldn't trade anything, you're still my everything.

9:01 p.m. - 2010-05-11

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