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stay home.

i really wish i could call you and tell you how sad i am right now.

i looked at my grades online and i have a fucking F in one of my classes. F? my final grade is posted as a F.

great, school is the only thing that i have in my life anymore and i'm failing at that too.
on top of that, i have some type of respritory infection and i can't breathe without hearing a terrible rattling sound in my lungs. making breathing in general hard.
On top of that, I haven't seen Chris in two weeks. He calls tonight and i start crying and he tells me to call him back when i feel better. so i just hung up. i know he doesn't think i deserve sympathy because i don't do anything, but even people like me have bad days.
my brother got suspended from school for vandalism. my dad had heart surgery and is about to lose his job because he has been out of work for a couple weeks now. i have officially not worked more than 4 days since february. and i feel sick because not one christmas present was bought with my own money. nothing was bought with my own money. i have no self worth, at all.
it all makes me feel discouraged. and depressed. really fucking depressed.
and my brother in law and sister in law left for brazil today and i'm terribly jealous. they don't have anything, hardly any money to their own name, they even moved back in with my father in law, and they are happy and in love.
god, i just want to throw up.

i just want to call you and tell you how sad i am right now. for some reason i just want you to know. because you care.

10:03 p.m. - 2009-12-15

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