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family.

i'm just sitting here thinking.

thinking that if you were here we could go play in the rain. splash in the puddles. watch out for worms.

thinking that i want you to come up behind me in the shower. put your arms around me. rock me back and forth.

thinking that it's almost dinner time. that i want to cook you dinner. share a meal. even clean it up.

thinking that i want to pick crumbs and fuzz out of your mustache and beard. i know how mad that makes you.

thinking that i want the blanket to smell like you again. it faded. smells like dog.

really i'm just thinking that i'm scared that i will never have any of this again.

time is a disease and i'm fucking infected.

5:42 p.m. - 2009-07-28

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