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Hold your breath.

I didn't marry into the landscape of the human world like others did, i was on the outside looking in. I imagine it's much easier not to take things so seriously, to just blend, but I'd long ago given up trying to live in vain and I knew I had to suffer for it. I was just sick, beaten, in a city of millions, of suffering by myself. I'd never seen that look on another face before, had never identified it in another person. I'd met with it only in fiction. But everyone falls in love with Holden Caulfield when they're sixteen. They read Catcher in the Rye and don't feel so alone. The problem is, they get over it. They forget that grief. Or they bury it. I never could.

I think my utter discontent with life in general, is the fact that I can't forget. I dream so much that I've lost complete perception of what reality is.
The line separating the dark half of Earth from the light half of Earth is called the circle of illumination.
I walk that line, constantly.
and I don't know how to stop.

I truly believe life is supposed to be made up of raw, beautiful, passionate moments. Things so spectacular that our little human brains can't fathom. Things that eat away at our hearts years after they've been made. Things that are forever pictures projected on the inside of our skulls. Things that aren't even worth trying to vocalize, because we can't make up enough words to depict them.
Things that will always be frozen.

I don't want a warning.
I just want explosions.
Big fucking explosions.

7:42 p.m. - 2009-07-01

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