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i miss your existence.

what do you want me to say?

i'm hurting.

i'm hurting for things that i can't control.
i'm hurting because i want it to be different.
god, i want it to be different.

i'm hurting because i don't think you will ever love me as much as i want you to.
i'm hurting because you aren't.
god, i want you to hurt.
god, i want you to hurt because you aren't with me.

i'm hurting because i remember.
i'm hurting because i can't forget.
and dear god, i want to forget.

i'm hurting because you aren't dying to talk to me.
i'm hurting because of you.
god, i fucking want you.

i'm hurting because you are my fucking hero.
i'm hurting because you don't care.
and god, i want you to care.

i'm fucking hurting because the only two people on this god damn earth that worshiped my molecules live six feet under ground.
i'm hurting because i want to tell them about school, about life.
god, i want to tell them about it all.

i'm hurting because i want to believe.
god, i want to fucking believe.
but you aren't giving me one single god damn fucking thing to believe in.

i live in these perfect fantasies. i have to live in these fantasies because the air is too stale to even breathe in otherwise. stale fucking air.
sometimes i think that the united states isn't big enough for the both of us. sometimes i can't get wait to take all your fucking space up.
i can't tell the difference between obsession and love.

to say you occupy every bit of extra cells in my body is an understatement. you are my lungs, my liver, my intestines, you are my fucking heart. world. universe. galaxy. you are infinite to me. you are my peace. my insanity. my organized chaos. you make it all rotate.
and i'm just a warm body to lay next to at night.
i've always wanted to be nothing less than the girl of your dreams. the only girl you have ever looked at, yearned for, ached about. i want to be imprinted in your brain. i want to make a bed inside your heart. lay down for the rest of time. the only person that you've loved more than you thought people could ever love other people.

i'm listening to our song.
i bet you don't even know what it is.

lay with me tonight.
we'll watch the stars burn out.

8:06 p.m. - 2009-06-21

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