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days like these.

jesse keeling died in a car accident on saturday. she was hit by a car that for unknown reasons crossed the median. and i can't help but think that if she had waited five more minutes, or had driven just a little faster or slower, she could have made it to the derby in one piece.
but instead she died in the hospital, probably alone.
and i just feel terrible about it. we weren't close, and i haven't spoken to her since high school, but i know she had so many friends, and so many people cared deeply about her. even my best friend from back then. they were so close. and she was only 23.
i'm so scared of death. i hate to think about lifelessness.

and to think that chris has cheated his own death so many times. all the stories that i have to hear. his stryker rolls over, he was separated from his squad and had to kill a man with a bomb strapped on to save his own life.
you have to wonder how many lives do we get?
and it all makes me appreciate life, and love, so much more than the rest of society.

so here comes the silence. i will not get to speak to chris but for one out of 59 days. i will get to see him for 8 hours.
and i'm scared to stay in our house alone. i'm scared of all the noises i hear throughout the night. i'm scared that i'll change.

i'm sorry for the keeling family.

6:04 p.m. - 2008-05-05

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