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the boom that beats our drum.

now i don't feel pretty enough. i don't feel smart enough, or qualified enough.
i don't feel good.

i wish you didn't have the capabilities to lie. i wish you had never lied. and i wish you could forever honor the promises you've made to never lie again.
i wish there weren't the stresses of war to change us. to make us into monsters.
because i think war makes you a monster.
because you aren't the same chris.

i wish i could stand up to the dial tones, and the names, and the lies, and all the insecurities i have because of you.
i've been in this place before. crying so hard that it's all a blur.
and i'm just so scared that when i stop crying, its still going to be messy. and dismantled, and not what i want.

i give up.
i want to go back to louisville.

2:57 p.m. - 2007-12-16

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