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one less.

i'm tired.
i'm tired of being so god damn tired.

i just want life to get easier.
i'm always in a battle with myself.
my biggest war is purely about whether or not i should let myself smile because he's gone and he's not smiling.
i fight with myself about how to feel. he doesn't feel the same way, he probably doesn't want to make it work, and when he comes home its all going to fall apart. how the fuck would you feel?

its my fault. i lied. and i lied. and i lied. i just didn't want you to know. because of this same reason. and i thought that if i waited long enough it would just evaporate. but it really just filled an ocean.
fuck.

and i know i'm sorry isn't going to really make you believe that i live in regret.
i cry every night because i regret.
i cry because i know you don't wish that you were next to me.
i cry because you aren't as attracted to me.
i cry because there is one thing in my life that i have fought for. and that thing is you. i've fought ever god damn war for and with you. i'm the only one that ever has. i've fought for your sanity when you lost it. and i continue to fight for your life every single day that you are at war. and in a single second, none of that even matters to you anymore.
i cry because i'm truely very, very sorry.

i'm just so tired.

7:42 p.m. - 2007-11-01

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