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it keeps both of us apart.

for the last two days i got to spend my time with my grandma. and even if she didn't say a word or move a muscle, her presence was still there. and we all could feel it.

and yesterday i saw my grandma for the last time when we all stood in front of her casket and cried and hugged in an empty funeral home. and after all of our friends had already walked out, it was just family. and we all realized that the glue that used to hold us together died last tuesday. and it wasn't easy to let go. forever.
and even though this has been an ongoing battle for the past few years, it hard to imagine. to grasp. to understand how much this woman meant to the few of us that were left at the funeral. because no one else on this earth knows how to fix a baked potato in the microwave just how i like it.
i know she is in a better place now. her soul was far too big for a tiny hospital room. her spirit was far too great to be cooped up in a rehad center. and for the first time in 10 years she wasn't shaking because of Parkinson's. and thats the only comfort i have in this whole ordeal.
and now i'm just coming to terms with the forever aspect of it. and as i walked out of the funeral home yesterday i looked back and said goodbye. and i told her that i was going to miss her. and just like that it was over. but just because she is gone doesn't mean i have to forget.
because i'll never forget.

8:30 a.m. - 2006-11-19

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