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hang on. hang out.

i had high hopes for 2007, especially since we started FINALLY moving on the right track and live in the same place all at the same time. and now i wish it would stay november and december for the rest of our lives. because as soon as the calendar moves, our lives will never ever be the same.
and we will once again be pushing the extremeties of love.
and i'm not ready.
because my grandma has been in the hospital for months now. my best friend moved 300 miles away from me.
because a week ago i played my last soccer game of my career. and in 6 months i will have earned my BA in liberal arts and sciences. and then comes the nerves of what the real world is going to do to me.
i'm lacking in motivation, in drive, and in spirit. because everything and everyone is leaving.
because these coming months bring so many chapters to an end.
and i just want him to stay here. because deep down i know its not going to work in any other town.

and i'm in complete denial of any of this that i can't even make sense of it, or put it into any kind of order.
its a mess.
i'm a mess.

12:19 p.m. - 2006-11-07

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