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take a breath, it's done.
i read an entire book yesterday. i couldn't put it down.
i really think the author invaded my thoughts and wrote the most beautiful story out of them. except she changed every name to protect the innocent.
i've never felt like this before. this is on a new level of hurt. some underground level that no one should ever know exists.
here is everything that i have wanted to say...for everyone to see, about him.
i've never in my life met some one like you. who says all the things i want to hear in some twisted, bent way that only i could appreciate. exactly how i like things, opposite of how everyone else thinks. you are the only one that would know how to say them in a way that would makes sense. and i loved every little inch of you for that.
and now you, well the old you, is gone.
i'm the only person who fought a war with you, mentally. the only person you felt comfortable crying with about how scared you were before you left. the only person who woke up every morning and watched the news ticker on cnn, or the local news until 7, praying that i didn't see your name on the screen. the only person who let the fact that you were gone rule their life.
and now i'm the only person who knows how you feel about being home. the only person who you tell you hate, and yet can't go a few days without talking to. the only person that you can't live with or without.
i fell in love with a person who refuses to be loved. and i've talked myself into believing that it is my fault. that something i did along the road to my current state put me here, that i deserve to be treated like you never loved me at all. which is the worst possible thing to convince yourself of.
find another friend like me. and when you do, make sure you give them my number because i could sure use some one like that.
but in case you didn't get my voicemail, leave me the fuck alone.
6:06 p.m. - 2006-06-02
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