-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

its the only thing that we know.

its times like these when we need family. and some how they are always there. and these past two days we have consumed her life in that small little hospital room. and even though she will never remember that we were there, we were, and we didn't want to be anywhere else.
and its times like these when we realize how much they all mean. each little individual. i would never ask to be in another family. and even though none of us live in the same state, i can see myself in their demeanor. and thats why they are family, and i wouldn't have it any other way.

but, despite all of the pain, the only thing my grandma complained about was that her neighbor in the room farted all night. and really, she wasn't even complaining, she was just trying to make us laugh. she is such a woman. so much more super human than i could ever be. i brought her some sunflowers today to lighten her mood and all she could think about was how she could repay me.
but i guess thats what makes humans into heros. no capes, no wings, no x-ray vision, just a dose of super strength from from unknown source inside. but either way, she is my grandmother, and no surgery or disease or metal rod is ever going to change her spirit, and her devotion to seeing her family happy. she said she feels like she let everyone down. i can't think of one second in my 20 years of existence where i have felt even a little disappointment with her.
and she is my nanny. the only person that i draw inspiration from. the only person that i could ever aspire to be. and i would hands down spend an entire thursday inside a hospital while she was in surgery. no doubt.

7:45 p.m. - 2006-05-26

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------