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lets cut things to the bare minimum.
vegas was everything i ever imagined it to be. and coming home just seemed so out of the question. because i wanted to live, eat, breathe, play, work, and rest my head there every night for all of eternity. maybe not just there, but just anywhere but here. i came home with some new tattoos on my feet. and leslie and i had some good quality time being the best friends that we have shaped out to be. she has kept my sanity. she has been my therapy, and frankly she is the only person that i could think of that would do vegas right with me. we plan on going back every year until we win big so we never have to come home again.
really, all of this is just me trying to find a nice way of telling you that i want out.
period.
i wish that i could write this better. but coming home to louisville was the hardest thing i've ever had to do. i liked being rivers and states and very defined climates away from this place. i just like being away. and it makes me so sad to see how bitter i've become. but it's karma. and i'm just paying my dues for all the things that i couldn't control and that i just had to have at the moment. and now regret more than any other thing on this earth. its all those little secrets and lies that are my own expense. and if i could, i would erase them.
period.
so, its come time for me to make some grown up decisions about the future. 26 credits until i graduate, i've decided to travel to europe next summer as my graduation present from my family. and even though i think i may go insane by then, it will hopefully be the best mind clearing experience. i feel like i've worked my way all the way up and back down again. like i've been drug this far and left a little bruised.
but i blame this on my own body chemistry. some one up there just didn't make me strong enough for these kind of things. i need a clear runway to land on right now. and i feel like you are making things so cloudy.
this is the first step to standing up. brushing this off. and being THAT person again. because that is all i've ever wanted to be. nothing more.
and nothing less.
9:54 p.m. - 2006-03-22
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