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i'm gonna walk on water.

i am absolutely green.
sick to my fucking stomach.

i have bitten all 10 of my nearly grown out finger nails, and spit them into the trash can. not very lady like, at all. its just a twitch, something i do before every soccer game. a nervous fucking habit. i'm so fucking ocd.

i talked to leslie on the phone for 98 minutes and 17 seconds. and the second we got off the phone, i cried myself to pieces.
im goign to take my tears to bed with me tonight. and fall, not so soundly, to sleep on my hard pillows.
in my own little state of perfection.

god, i had this dream, that there was this huge fire. and we both just stood there, and instead of pushing you in, i took the easy way out. and jumped right into the flames.
and at the time i thought it was for you. but the more i think about it, i did it for myself.
i'm an all or nothing kind of girl, ya know?

im so fucking sick to my stomach.
im not ready.

10:10 p.m. - 2006-01-19

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