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so this is the new year.

i guess i thought that i would feel some difference. i was so excited last night, about bringing in the new year with the people that i love with everything i have. about this new chapter i'm opening in my life. about advances, the ones that only come with time. and bringing home the boy that means the world to me, safe and as sound as he could possibly be after all this mess.
but, i heard midnight come and go, and i was still me. and i guess thats when i started crashing. because i bled and kicked and screamed enough for the rest of my life last year.
it's such a strange concept to me, that a second didn't change a fucking thing. i mean, one second changes a year, why didn't it change anything in me?
a very valid question, with a very impossible answer. i'm just tired of being patient. i want it, and i want it right fucking now.

and as he and i talked last night, and this morning, i felt like we could make it. and i think he felt it too.

1:39 p.m. - 2006-01-01

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