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i'll be your number one with a bullet

so, what?
what the fuck are you so afraid of?
of love? of the simple fact that you finally have genuine love in your life. because you don't know how that feels.
of me? of the simple fact that i am actually, for once, a person willing to show you exactly what you've needed for the past 20 years.
of emotion? of the simple fact that you could be feeling something real.

you are a coward. which i guess is the most disappointing part of it all. because you were my hero....

and most intelligent thing i heard you say all day is that stress can give you pimples on your back. but then i realized that i don't have anyone to pop them. gross.

i don't know why i haven't just moved on. because maybe i'm tired of always being dependent on a relationship to get me through a day. or maybe because i've only had cheap offers, from cheap people. because i have something real to offer.
i watch everything go by. i really feel the wind. i can smell. those should be the most satisfying feelings. something that not everyone is so fortunate to feel. i take for granted everyday of these small pleasures. because some how it just isn't feeling like enough.
i just don't feel satisfied.
...and it's not something that getting a tattoo or cutting my hair off or buying new shoes is going to fix.
for once, it has substance.
and for once i have no fucking clue what to do about it.

to top it off, apparently i am sitting here, alone, because i didn't write back to his text message that i never received.
life is so cruel.
(ps- thats sarcasim)

9:49 p.m. - 2005-09-27

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