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down your face.

i'm not winning.
i don't want to win.
congradulations, you won.

because i haven't cried in days. and now, well since, i haven't stopped. because i used to want to close my eyes and see your face.
now, i just throw up a little in my mouth.

good, bad, ugly. who gives a fuck?
because you got exactly what you fucking wanted out of that conversation...1...you got me to answer despite days of telling myself that i wouldn't when it happened....2...you got me to tell you things that i didn't want to tell you....3....you got tears (which i almost went without, until the goodbye. that gets me every fucking time)....

my head is so clear. it's all so clear now. every little piece of my life. i don't want barrings anymore. i just want to live, second by little second. i don't want to have my feet on the ground.
(but i still want you).
i just wish i could explain that it's not me. it's not you. it's the situation.

i know you will read this. i know you are getting some sick satisfaction out of watching it hurt. but it took more out of me, telling you that i didn't want to talk again, then it ever did to send you back to war. because, truth be told, i've never wanted to talk to you more.

i was in love once.

11:54 p.m. - 2005-08-25

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