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i'm bigger than this

i was cleaning out picture frames tonight. behind a photo i found a picture of brianna and me. from years ago.
what a day today has been.
i compensate being upset with getting tattoos.
and i can't help but say i'm a little regretful of the new ones on my wrists.

i've tried so hard to find myself. but maybe thats just it. it's been under my nose this whole time.
i know, it seems so fake to pmake promises. but i know how to fix this. but i could never expect you to believe.
or maybe i'm a total idiot. but either way, i have no idea who i am. and i don't feel as if i'm any closer to achieving peace of mind.
and today has set me off again.

this isn't a competition. to see who can cause the other the most pain. this isn't war. and i'm so fucking tired of fighting.
i'm so sick of hurting. because of you.
i have people in my life now who admire, respect, and absolutely adore me. and i'm done playing games with the ones who don't.
i'm finally locking you out, instead of myself in. i'm going to step forward, because i can't take another step back, without crashing to the ground.
now, whether you want to be with me in the end is your decision.
leaving things behind isn't always for the better.
i need to clear my head.
alone.

8:45 p.m. - 2005-08-17

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