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intimidation

ive come to a point, between my old ways and the ways that i can only imagine for. i know, i know, i mean, ive always known what i needed to do. its a matter of execution, or balls. i dont have the balls. and i have no idea where to start.
i cant believe how much can change in and hour, a minute, or a second. i cant believe that i can watch it all change. and not do a single thing. im weak. thats all there is to it.
maybe ive just come to my point. my point in my life where i know exactly what i want. i want independence. i want my career. i want passion. i want something comfortable to fit into..(more like i want some one comfortable to fit into). i want so much, all before i turn 20. but ive always been that way. ive always have had my head else where (the clouds). i always have been plans, without any way of making them succeed. and maybe i dont want these things, maybe i need these things.
i truely believe that chris is the person that i am supposed to be with. everything that he has given me, physically, emotionall, and all the things that still go unsaid. hes willing to lay it down for me. every relationship needs an oil change every once in awhile. and i think today we cleaned out our closets together, rotated our tires, and changed our oil. evaluation is the key. who knows where it goes from here? he leaves again on wednesday, but i don't even want to think about that again.

im sad tonight. so im going to bed.

10:25 p.m. - 2005-07-02

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