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i cant make out the words

and i wish that it could be in front of my face. this doesn't get easier. and with fewer and fewer and lesser and lesser, its only gotten harder. and i feel like a failure, because being so wrapped up in everything else, ive failed to tell you how much you still mean..how much you are still missed. and how nervous i get just thinking about you and home being in the same place and the same time.
i think ive had an enlightment...because life is so full of great stories, great people, and great loves. ive got them all. every single one of them. ive got it all.
to think that ive found such a beautiful person to spend the rest of my life with brings me to tears, still. and i guess thats when you know its real. most 19 year old kids would have called it quits, on both ends of this bargain. but we havent. neither of us. and all these goodbyes that we've had are only building up this one great hello. kind of our final hello.
its hard to set aside so much of yourself. but part of me has been gone...pretty much my better parts flew overseas. its hard to walk around incomplete. but i think im doing okay. not great, but okay.
god, i pray every night. every night i kiss the same picture. and i say "please, god, bring him home. i dont want to have to miss him forever." and so far, god has said "okay, but in due time." please forgive me lord for the impatience. but my heart hurts.

10:17 p.m. - 2005-04-20

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