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i wrote this on dec. 10, our first goodbye

so, let me play it out for you,
exactly as it happened.

so, we were laying there before we went to sleep.
and of course i was crying,
and of course he had his face buried in me.
and i said "well, this is it."
and he said "no, its not."
and he said "im going to miss you so much."
and i proceeded to talk about how tomorrow i was a single girl.
and that made me cry. (because there is no one else i fit so perfectly together with)
and then he said "no matter what, as long as you are in my heart and thoughts, you are my girlfriend, whether i am your boyfriend."
and i said "good."
and then i scratched his back. (because i do this every single night.)
and then i rolled over to go to sleep.
but he pulled on me, and started hugging me and kissing me.
and he told me "that no distance and no amount of time is going to break us apart. we are going to make it through this, and when i come back, i am coming back to you."
and then we rolled our seperate ways,
and about an hour later the alarm clock went off.
and i couldnt find the courage to go with him to the airport.
so he told me that i could leave.
and my mom came and picked me up.
and when she got there i gathered everything from his house. (cd's, clothes, and his blanket he sleeps with)
and i put my arms out for a goodbye.
and he just grabbed them and walked me out to the door.
and we didnt even say anything for a minute,
we just stood there and kissed.
and finally he said "i love you so much."
and i cried.
and he said "this isnt the end."
and i cried.
and i said "i love you."
and he said "i love you so much veronica."
we kissed one more time,
and then i was out the door.
and i looked back, which was a mistake,
because he was still standing there watching me.
and he was crying.
and i got in the car,
and drove off.
and that was it....(that was our goodbye)

letting him go was the fucking hardest thing i have ever had to do.
because this morning, last night, that was our sundown.
these things dont happen in real life. this has to be the movies.

9:23 p.m. - 2005-04-13

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