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from the hard wood to the carpet. all the way back home.

i can remember the nights of clarity, the times where my mind was open. those were the nights i understood why, the nights that were more filled with power than clouds or stars. i could be alone then, it felt good.
i wish i could find that place under the stars, driving home. it all made sense there.

i taught myself that beauty out lives the numbers we count on our fingers and toes. but you can't bring things back once they are dead. and in this busy, industrial life, its so easy to forget that it ever happened. and even beauty can't withstand memory.
i dream about it. about love. death. adventure. i dream about the things that are held somewhere way up high. the things that cant be touched until i can find my way home.
home is where the heart is. my heart is far across oceans. im not at home, i havent been.
the challenge, as it arises, is sorting through the visions and voices. somehow finding out which one really takes me there. maybe that is why i have anxiety.
i will never take advantage of perception. i will love as if i have never been heart broken. because, after all, thats why i was put on this earth. to love. but most importantly, to love you.
i have this all figured out. we are going to get married, have beautiful children, and life will continue on, as happy as ever. everything, in comparison, from here on out will be easy.
i want to find that place again. it all made sense there.

9:54 p.m. - 2005-03-21

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