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the leaves are already changing.

so, we made it official.
well, official as in i am waiting for chris to come home. so, no boys, no drinking, no misbehaving....i can do that.
but one thing is for sure, this has stepped up our relationship into the very serious level. becasue we both know what waiting means, and we both realize how serious this could turn out to be. but im not scared, and luckily neither is he.
but, we love each other obsessively. and we are going to show that we are strong, that what we have is strong.
i just cant wait for him to come home, already. looks like ive got a lot of time on my hands.
im getting back into photography, writing, school, and most importantly for xmas i got a gym membership, so im going to start to work out so i can kick some serious ass.
i think ive grown up in the past week. honestly, i think ive learned more about myself through this whole fucked up experience. i guess ive just learned whats important to me. and no petty drama is going to stand in my way. and for some reason, its been easy to brush things away. and ive lost all those fucked up, hateful feelings that i had. which is a relief because i they were really starting to build up.
i spent new years eve at chris's house. just me and him. and of course, we kissed at midnight. and soon after, i left his house around 2:30, because he had to leave at 3. we did our goodbye thing. we actually didnt say much, not as much as the last goodbye. we just hugged mainly. and i almost made it without crying...but when he couldnt let me go, i lost it again.
what we have is different. its on this different level. its strange. but its true. im ready to fight this, right along with him. because, well, until he gets home, i wont be whole.
and when he gets home, even bigger things are to come. and i cant wait.

2:57 p.m. - 2005-01-02

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