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its not okay.

yesterday was one of the most emotional days i have had in nearly a year.
i feel like so much happened in that one day. and finally chris broke down. right in front of me.
and here is what i have to say about it all...i am his best friend, he is my best friend. we both love each other more than anyone has ever been able to love anyone.
and the way he cried to me yesterday, just made me realize that he loves me way way more than i ever imagined. he needs me right now. and i need him right now. and i think, just laying there in my bed, was one of the most passionate moments of my life. ever. because i have never wanted anything more than that moment. i have lived all these years for some kind of moment like that. and it came, and we cried, more than either of us have cried in forever. but this time, we were together. feeling the exact same pain.
i dont know what is going to occur over the next 18 months. i have no fucking idea. but we both have every intention of starting all over when he gets back. but yesterday, we pinky swore something. that no matter what, we would always be best friends. and i mean that.

we are in this together. whether we are officially "together" or not. i am still your girlfriend and your best friend. no matter how long you are gone. because like you said, we are meant for each other. and we cant avoid that.
i will miss everything about this relationship. and yesterday we nearly said our goodbyes.
im going to miss falling asleep with him every night. and ive been laying awake at his house since 5 this morning just thinking about that.
i dont know what to say. i dont know anything.

6:42 a.m. - 2004-12-07

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