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im a virgo, im strong.

im selfish, and im sorry.
i guess i just need some type of signal, i guess i just wanted to know that he was hurting, too.
but i cant expect him to talk about it if he really doesnt want to. i cant expect him to make me feel better about this when he is the one that needs me.
i guess i just expect you to finally show me that you need me.
i just dont want him to bottle all this up until the end, until he finally has to leave. i dont want him to break down then, because that is when he needs to be the strongest.
but im going to be strong enough, this time. for us both. and im stupid to think that this doesnt upset him. im stupid to think that he doesnt need me.
its just awkward, because always in the back of my mind i think about how much im going to miss this. (this means what we have). i guess i cant stop thinking about how much i actually have with him.
he is my heart.
and i just want him to be okay. because he doesnt deserve this. he doesnt deserve to see some of the things that he will experience.
i just want him safe. because its hard to sleep at night knowing how unsafe he might be.

i wasnt supposed to worry until it came, and now its here, im still not supposed to worry.
i dont know what to say. because nothing seems good enough to describe this.

9:01 a.m. - 2004-12-02

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