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lets make this better.

i cried. just because i remember what it was like. just because i was so dead back then. i dont want to ever feel like that again. and if you ever have any control over it, please, dont let me get that way again.
please.
i really dont ever want to be that way. i dont ever want to feel that bad. low. down. beat up. broken.
it makes me sad to think about it. i feel so bad for myself.
but im one strong mother fucker. i came out, all on my own. i broke through without anyones help. and i fucking pat myself on the back everyday for overcoming something that many people cant come out of.
and i miss my grandma. it so hard to even look at her anymore. i remember when i was little, i would get in trouble, and she would spank me...but it would never hurt. and i would always act like it did just so she would stop.
god, things change. and sometimes i wish that i could just close my eyes, and when i open them she would be the same lady that i used to know. i just wish she would stop shaking. i just wish she could remember, anything.
ive never lost anyone or anything close to me, other than my hampster. i dont know how to deal with this. i dont know what to say about it. i dont know who would want to hear.
i just miss being her little angel.

im in need of a forehead kiss right now.

9:26 p.m. - 2004-11-09

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