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i dont need to be an angel.

i didnt go to my second class today. that seems to be the theme of my life...but if you were in this class, im sure you would skip it too. im just completely lost in there, and i figure if i can pull out a good grade on my presentation and my research paper, i will do fine. this has far been the most boring class i have ever had. im just glad that i have 48 credit hours done. you need 64 credits to be a junior. i will have 66 next semester. by the end of this whole school year, i will be a junior. and i wont even be 20 yet. (this is if everything goes as planned.) i just want to get out of my fucking school. no matter what it takes.....
there are some things i havent figured out yet. there are some things that i just dont know about. there are some things that i am still worried about. and there are just some things that i will never fucking understand. (and you cant expect me to)
i dont even question them anymore. and its not like i dont care if they are happening or not....but me being so fucking suspicious isnt helping the situation. so, for once i really have taken someones word...no matter if they believe that i have or not.
but the only thing that i could ever wish for is someone that stuck by what they say..its so discouraging to find that someone didnt mean anything they promised. and it breaks my heart like its the first time that its ever happened to me. but i beleived, because it was something that i wanted to believe, but more importantly it was something that i needed to believe in.
it seems we are never going to get away from this. and it scares me that in the end, its going to come along and trip us up...and sometimes its almost impossible to pick up all the pieces...we usually leave one or two behind. but without them all, we are not whole.
its just hard when you always have your head in the clouds. you never want to come back down.
im a dreamer. and im a thinker. i do these things very very well. but that is the worst possible quality to have. because nothing will ever be how i really want them to be.
i just want to be loved, unconditionally. i just want to know that you love me unconditionally.
because sometimes people say FOREVER and dont really mean it....but im praying and wishing on every single fucking star that you arent one of those people.
because i want you to mean it.

10:07 a.m. - 2004-11-04

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