-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

im throwing up..

some parts of me believe that i was a better girl when i didnt show you all of me. theres just something in my brain that tells me i was more to you when i held a little back. it made you want me more.
and now that i have exposed everything, and told you all the truths... there is nothing more for you to want. except the comfort of knowing that i am yours.
i walk in school, down the street, in the mall. i walk everywhere. and not once have i ever wished that i was in some one else's arms. and everything i think is along the lines of "nothing compares."
there are no more emails. there are no more surprise visits. it like your heart doesnt beat fast. there are no more "i love you so fucking much" and for me, i still get nervous. and i have butterflies. its all still new to me, more real, better. and everytime i want to be the old "us", i get nervous that what i have to say about how much i care for you isnt what you want to hear. but i miss it. i know you care. i know you love me. i just miss hearing it, i guess. i just miss waking up to an email that is filled with all these emotions for me. i just miss that way i smiled when i read them. and how fast my heart would jump. and how sweaty my hands would get with a reply.
this is when you know that your 19...

8:30 a.m. - 2004-10-01

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------