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i wanted you for nothing more than hating you for what you were.

im losing it. im totally fucking losing it. every inch of sanity that i managed to gain in the past 7 months has been escorted right out the door. im back to my old ways of not believing, living like im scared that something horrible is going to happen. and all over some pictures and a stupid nightmare. yea, thats right, i said it, i lost my mind to a fucking dream and a memory that i cant change. i really think i need to be prescribed something for anxiety, because yesterday i was near a collapse. i felt horrible. and all you could do was laugh at me. and that made it worse. i dont know what im doing. im so fucking confused about who or what i should be. im confused by the thoughts of all these negative things being said around and about me. i just want to wake up to a day with a smile, a day with good hair and skin. and day where i can really feel good inside. a day where my heart doesnt beat so fast it breaks. a day where things go my way. a day without money or driving. a day without soccer or school. a day with flowers and love letters and kind words waiting for me. just a day for me, a day for me with you in it. that would be perfect.

hah....a girl can dream.

9:21 a.m. - 2004-09-22

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