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what the fuck?

i dont understand why everyone is so fucking mean. i feel so out of place in my life right now. i mean, chris acts like im a fucking burden and then i walk inside and my sister tells me fuck you because i ask if she is out of the bathroom. it really is a fucking why me situation. im at this point in my life where im reaching for something, anything to hold on to just so i can pull myself up and no one is giving it to me. im not sure what to do or what to get rid of to make this situation any better. im stuck. i really am. and i dont know how to explain it or who would want to sit down and actually help me figure shit out. i need that some one. i really do. and when chris treats me like this and acts differently it makes me feel so unwelcome. i cant help but feel let down because he did a total 180. and i dont know. i just feel like i want to explain all these things to him, i want him to know all this shit, but i dont know how to talk to him now. i dont know how to approach him with things anymore. so all i can do is really sit back and watch every drive right by me because ive obviously taken the back seat position in a lot of things. which is ok, it really is okay, but of course you have to expect me to hurt a little bit. im always just talking to this computer screen, expecting it to give me a hug or something. anything. i just need a good day. i need some help from some one. i need things to be okay again. i need people to stop being so fucking mean to me for no fucking reason. i need a lot of things that shouldnt be that difficult and dont cost a penny. but of course, im veronica, and the things i need are so unreachable.

8:11 p.m. - 2004-09-03

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