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i must be drowning out...

i just feel like we had tons of steam rolling into this. and i guess im still feeling some of those nervous jitters and those butterflies. and i feel like sometimes, maybe im the only one with those feelings still. its not as easy as starting over with a handshake and another "hello." but when you tell me that you love me and that im beautiful, thats about the only thing that i care enough to believe about. i guess i dont want things to die. im not a big fan of death. and ive watched so many beautiful things descend into the ground. and its hard to watch. ive watched myself be buried alive. i just want the steam back. i want the butterflies, i want the impossible goodbyes. i want the tears and the sweat and the "i dont think ive ever touched yous" to come around again. and its hard for me to say, because im not begging for a miracle. and as much as you want to give i guess is as much as i will ask for. sometimes its there, i really feel it, and other times its like i know you dont want me around.

ive got a million words to say. i really do. but i have a million other things i have to do right now. please, let me know.....

3:58 p.m. - 2004-09-01

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