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heres to the new year...in august
so, im at school, just waiting for 3 so i can leave to go to practice. instead of wasting all my gas, i just wait at school instead of booking it home and having to leave 20 minutes later. but that sucks, because now i have over an hour to just sit here. and you know, i could be studious and do homework but i would rather play on the fucking computer because it is more entertaining. i got a 100 on my math quiz from thursday. my first grade of the year, i guess im starting things out right, which is good. math is scary as shit to me, so a 100 is fucking golden. our first soccer game is on friday at 4:30 against transy. which is good because we have had 3 weeks now of just practice, so actually playing will finally make this hard work seem worth while. its good the season is starting because im getting really burned out on all this running stuff. i guess my grandma is doing better. i mean, i dont really want to get in depth about it because i am at school and i will get all emotional. all i know is that they came home early from virginia because of an incident and she had a bad day yesterday because she accused my grandpa of something. and now i can only see her on wednesday and friday because of school and soccer. and im scared that she wont understand. mainly im concerned about whether she eats and takes her medicine when she is alone. thats what really bothers me. so i might just call her everyday to remind her during my classes. chris is home, which is good. that makes me smile. ive had a rough couple of days because i came close to screwing things up between us. and i hate how i have to screw up before i realize that i am a fucking bitch. i hate the feelings i have for myself and the way i handle things. im totally out of line. not just with him, with everyone, and im really going to try to lighten up because shit is not that serious. so, whatever it takes i guess. i just need to let things play out, and if things dont go exactly how i planned, well, some one up there is trying to tell me that they just werent meant to be. i cant control destiny and fate. ill leave that one up to the big man upstairs. still i have 20 more minutes....blah. i just want to go home and sleep.
2:19 p.m. - 2004-08-30
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