-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

way to go veronica....you seem to push them all away

maybe i havent had time for creativity anymore. i dont have time for words or feelings. theres only time enough to take a short, simple breath, before im back out the fucking door. and i have to concentrate everything on one moment, on one second, just to get through it without failure. my head is half snapped off. and my mouth should be stapled shut. and my eyes, well i wish those would finally dry out. its about time i stop crying. some times i wish i could forget what hope meant. i wish that i never had high hopes because thats the fastest way to get dissapointed. i want to feel something about myself again. i hate people that need someone to make themselves happy. well, i guess that means i hate myself. im not happy with myself, so its fucking impossible to be happy with anyone else. i dont think im pretty. i dont feel pretty. maybe this will all make me lose hope. at least i can spend some time finding it. and the only way i will feel let down is if i dissapoint myself and cant find anything to hold on to. from now on, ill hold my own hand. and i guess if i had three, id lend one out to you. but you seem strong enough. and im very jealous of you.

2:02 p.m. - 2004-08-27

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------