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notice me.

im such a fucking wreck. im falling apart. i have to get some of this shit off my back before it gets too heavy. i look like shit. i feel like shit. i am shit.

and you dont help the situation by changing plans tonight so you can do what you want and not what we were going to do.

this morning, while i was running at practice, i thought to myself "veronica, you dont quit. your not a quitter. and im not going to let you start here. this is what you want. you want to be out here sweating and working your ass off. you love this. this is what you live for. not any stupid boy. you live for the fucking feeling you get when all this hard work pays off. this is home."

and now, im miles away from that strong person that i was at 7 a.m. im miles away from ordinary. and i dont know what to do with myself. and every step i take, i feel like its in the wrong direction.

maybe you dont need a relationship right now. maybe its not the right time. because you are obviously too much for him to handle. and you are pushing him away by acting crazy and crying all the time. right now, i wish i was different. i wish i wasnt me. i wish i never got my heart broken. i wish i never met william or brianna. i wish i never met mat barber. i wish i never fell for him. i wish didnt look like this. i wish i could erase my mind and start over fresh so i couldnt remember who i was or what i was doing. i wish that you understood me and loved me as much as i love you. i wish anyone loved me as much as i loved them. i wish i was cherished. i wish i wasnt so fucking emotional.

i just wish i could wish my way into something real.

11:21 a.m. - 2004-08-10

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