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with you i fall so fast.

ive got a shit load of messy problems floating through my head right now. and i would rather be dead, then sitting in this chair right now. i feel like a world away from everyone. but,i have no motivation to see anyone. and im so sick of being by myself. confusing? yea. it is to me as well. i dont know what im feeling. lonely, i feel really beside myself. so, yea, i let everything go, i found peace. whatever. it didnt help anything. i guess im just upset because well, chris is sick. and everytime i go over there or see him, i try to touch him, and he just makes me feel like he wants me off him. im doing everything in my power to make him feel better, and it always feels like nothing is good enough. so i get dissapointed. it would be nice to see him smile just because he saw me. but, it just seems like he never notices the little things. like me. i want something. i need something. and i cant stop crying, like always.

ive just been sitting here, all day. by myself. i must look pathetic. i am pathetic. please, make me stop crying.

6:04 p.m. - 2004-08-05

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