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im going to be just fine, for now.

i have so many insecurities and self doubts. and its hard for me to ever image some one wanting to stick around through all of them. and thats why i question things so much. i dont see how you love me. i cant even find love for myself when i get like that. but even in my worst moments, you are still willing to see the best in me. i dont understand why you havent just left yet. all the rest have. but for some reason, i beleive in us. i believe that we share something just a litte more special. and thats why you havent just sprinted for the next state yet. but you really give me breath. you give me hope. you give me absolutely every feeling that no one has been able to give. and i need you. not even need anymore, i have to have you. and im sorry that i freak out and im sorry that i break down. and i cant thank you enough for not leaving, for sticking around, and most importantly reassuring me that this shit is going to pass. because it always passes, and making up is our next priority. and making up feels so right. and i dont understand how i can want to smile when im crying. i dont see how in the middle of a huge fight you ask me if you can give me a wedgie. and i laugh. even in the critical moments, you find some way to calm everything down. and you make everything ok. and im glad that somewhere along this big fucking road, we are able to meet, eye to eye. because there are times when i dont think i could ever even look at anything else. you are all that my eyes are focused on. and even if im not "ready" for a relationship mentally, my emotions cant be closer to you in any way. i have to have you. no matter if that sounds obsessive, or creepy. but thats how it is, and thats how its going to stay. because i want to share everything with you.

9:39 a.m. - 2004-07-30

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