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if you play me music that i have never heard, i will be with you forever

i dont know what i want to write about. i always thought that these words that i write in here defined me, they are what my life was centered around. maybe i was wrong. i mean, its as simple as holding down the backspace key, and just like that, you have no idea what i actually wanted to say. maybe thats why i like writing, because its easier to find the exact right thing to say, even if it takes you a million tries. i mean, its so fucking easy to erase words, so why do they mean so much when the "strong" words come from the wrong mouth, the mouths that we care about the most? maybe words are what define me. at the end of the day, when the sun is down and the only light i can find comes from the strange circle in the sky, words are the only thing i can find to really ever tell you how i feel. and those are the words that i truely mean. who cares what i say during the day. i mean, the words that can find you through all the darkness are the ones that matter. so, i was wrong. words are what defines me. if you cut me open, i swear all you would find was a hollow body with words written all over the insides. i am words. they are all i trust. they are the only thing that hasnt left. words dont lie. (maybe the person speaking them), but words have never lied. i trust them. so, yes, words define me.

i need a really fucking good weekend. chris will be gone soon for 2 weeks and when he gets back soccer and school will be all in full swing. and he will have work and school. so, seeing each other will be limited. i just want to make the last 2 weeks of summer good. i just us to spend a lot of time together because i dont want any strains when we cant see each other as much. if that makes sense? whatever. i just want things to last. i just dont want to wake up and him not be there anymore. i dont think i could handle that. he is my special person to laugh with and hug and talk to and kiss and i dont want that to be any one else.

9:57 a.m. - 2004-07-29

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