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this day was made for you and me

i guess i couldnt ask for anything more than love. because ive always believed that love is all i needed. from anyone. but ive gotten so fucking selfish lately that it seems i need attention as well. i need to quit, and get things back on track, stop being so fucking into my needs and start focusing on everyone else again. i dont know why ive been like this. i guess everyone deserves the spotlight. but its not even like ive ever had it to begin with. sure, its easy to pretend, but i woke up this morning and didnt feel good at all. i dont enjoy myself, i dont like the way i act, so how the hell is anyone going to enjoy me if i cant find something special inside myself? i dont know what im doing lately. its just been a downhill tumble, and im thinking that maybe if i can put some shoes on, ill get enough traction, i can make something of this ride. but who knows. i could very well be stuck in the dirt for good. because it seems like i pull myself out just long enough to fall right back in. the things ive endured should have made me bitter about relationships and people and life in general. but im not, no, im not bitter at all. in fact, life is more beautiful to me now, after it all happened, than it ever was before. so, its not like im not happy with the way things are going. i guess im just not happy with myself. and i dont have the slightest idea where to begin to change things.

9:18 a.m. - 2004-07-20

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