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happy birthday christopher

so its dark, and im alone.

ive been a brat all day, and decide that i should cry about it when i get in the car. so of course, i start thinking about my grandma...and i decide that i should cry harder.

i wish this was one of those moments where you surprise me and just come over without me knowing it.

surprise...its not going to happen.

so...im listening for a phone call that isnt going to come. man veronica, you suck. just stop being stubborn and call him. after all, you are the one being a brat. oh but wait, i have too much fucking pride to admit that i am wrong about anything. so im at fault. and im not going to get the chance to apologize tonight.

fuck me.

it always like this. so, when i get home by myself i can cry about all the things that i do wrong. my feelings are just hurt. i kind of felt, well, unwanted. and yes, this is when the 18 year old girl comes out. where i decide to be immature about a situation and just run from it instead of just saying something while you were there standing at my car door. and i look like the fool driving away, almost running over your toes because i cant get out of there fast enough.

but now, i guess your sleeping. and i guess i wont sleep at all tonight, because i will cry, because i am alone, and we arent on great terms.

fuck me.

you think i would be used to it by now. but its never easy, no matter how many times you have to go through it. please, just some one shake me. or call me. i need to talk. this is definitely a time when i need to talk. haha, but of course if it happened, i wouldnt have anything to say.

fuck me.

12:10 a.m. - 2004-07-12

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