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if you were here, i would throw you down and kiss you, until my lips bled.

i guess its possible to go through a very very shitty day and only have one person tell you "its ok." i really thought more people cared. but then again, ive always been wrong about that.

i guess i had too much on my mind to sleep last night. i just sat there, not looking at anything really, and if i did, i dont remember what it was. occassionally i would peak to make sure chris was still sleeping since i felt like i was making tons of noise rolling over, back and forth. but i made a lot of promises to myself. but who knows if i will actually keep them. i mean, i am the fuck up. its almost become a career now, i should get paid to mess situations up. not this one, i wont let it happen to this one though. this one is extra special.

im still feeling kind of down though. i cant really explain it. and its not really about anything. and it scares me to be like this. i mean, when i was depressed or whatever, i woke up every morning and the first thing i thought was, "wow, i hate today already." and i would cry. over absolutely nothing. and yea, i didnt cry today, i actually smiled, but i dont feel happy really.

but hats go off to chris. he is the worlds best guy. at least for me. so, a round of applause, please. thank you dear, you are my hero. <3

9:07 a.m. - 2004-07-08

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