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i cant tell you how bad i used to want to die.

heres me hoping again, and if you look harder, heres me breaking with regrets. i mean,i say i never regret anything ive ever done, even if it was regrettable. but the more i think about it, i regret sitting around and waiting. waiting is a fucking disease, i mean, i wait and it makes me sick. it makes me sick that i still have high hopes that the world will turn out okay. more like, the small, easy things i wait for will actually come true. but yea, i get fucked every single fucking time. oh yea, and heres me again smiling with this little painted on smirk. the one that you dont realize im faking. hes me shrugging my shoulders, walking by the mirror long enough to see that one little lonely tear fall. i make it fall slow, hoping that soon enough you will be here to catch it. but of course, haha, it turns out to be me hoping that you will come and waiting for you, again. i guess i cant expect you to know what im thinking, but the absolute fucking truth, im not sure your ready to hear all that i have to say. well, im not ready to hear all that i have to say myself. ive been waiting for some simple words to come out of your mouth, more than i love yous, more that your pretty. i want to hear the real special ones, the ones that i wont soon forget...... i know that you wont know what to say to me, i know that you wont be able to find the right words. and thats what tells me that your not ready for all that i have. so, ill just wait. im okay waiting. because i guess your special, because ive convinced my heart that you are the only person to walk in that has been worth the wait. or at least, heres me hoping that you are.

9:24 a.m. - 2004-06-09

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