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if it takes shit to make bliss, well i feel pretty blissfully

if you are reading this right now, just know that i am missing you more than i think i ever have.

im promising you this, if it rains today, i will drown, unless someone comes along and teaches me how to swim.

i woke this morning with a lovely little surprise...my voice seems to be a little, umm....GONE. yea, i am supposed to give my speech in like 25 mintues, and i really dont have a voice. maybe, crossing my fingers, hoping, praying that he will let me go tomorrow. i dressed up and everything just in case he says no.

i didnt sleep last night. honestly, i went to be at about 12:15 and i layed there until 1, then i slept. i woke up at 3, then i layed there until 4:15. i woke up at 5:30, i layed there until 6:05. i woke up at 7, i feel back asleep until i woke up again at 7:25. i kept waking up, turning my music back on, sleeping, waking up, turning my music back on, sleeping. and i would wake up sweating, but i would be cold. it sucked. i dont know what it was, i think i have too much on my mind. too many people to think about, too many people to not think about. too much shit for me to even take in. but there i was, in the pitch black. i listened to the bugs very carefully because they seemed to be singing with sigur ros, and the other music i happened to listen to. and i realized that not only are we listening to the bugs, they are listening to us. and all the noise they are making, well that is just their responses. it just seems like a lot of noise because they have a lot to say and smaller mouths to say it with.

i think i will repeat what i said earlier....if you are reading this right now, just know that i am missing you more than i ever have before.

you have my heart.

9:34 a.m. - 2004-06-01

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