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heart is on the floor, why dont you step on it.

i breathing in and hoping that i never have to breathe out again. im holding my breath, until all of this is better. i dont care if im dead before the sun starts to shine again. i would die to see you smile and for you to make me smile again. today is not going to be a good day. i dont feel good, about anything. my throat hurts, my head hurts, my heart hurts. and i know that there is not a damn thing i can do about it. so im just going to sit here in pain until something gives, even if it means i have to fall. i hate this, i hate this whole situation. i hate work, i hate school, i hate having no alone time to think about anything, i just hate having no time period. and i just want to cry, and i cried last night to sleep and this morning when i woke up and saw that he didnt write me and email, and now im crying again because every day is so fucking routine and i cant stand it. i dont know how much longer i can fucking do this. i dont know how much longer my little heart and my little mind will be able to convince myself that tomorrow will be better. well, its only 7:34 and already its bad. i dont know what to do except crawl into a little and ball and pray for me, for you, for my grandma, for my life, and for the world.

7:34 a.m. - 2004-05-20

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