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i love him

oh dear god, here we go again, sitting in these shadows of what looks like the past. i cant tell, it is burned, to the ground. im here among this baggage, waiting to hear someone say "veronica, its ok. we'll make it out, together." ill be waiting for 9 lifetimes it seems, because im not hearing anything except the crash of whatever is left standing. i know no matter what i never will be that little girl again, the one who could take on the world wearing pink and pigtails. the little girl with curly hair. and even though i stood so short, i felt so tall. i know i will never grasp that this change has taken over my body, and here now i stand larger than ever feeling smaller than ever. and i couldnt even ask for more time now because it passes so fast it seems i wouldnt even get the words out before another hour is gone. and every time that clock ticks, i shrink, inch by inch, and before long i promise there will be nothing left. well, except a pile of ash from me burning or a wet spot from me melting. what happened to the pink and the pigtails? why did i have to let that go just because my years kept on adding up? when is the world going to learn that numbers dont define how old we have to act. numbers can be erased, dont you remember math class...we were supposed to use pencil because they knew we would make mistakes. im thinking about spinning in circles until i fall over, and where i land is where i will stay for those 9 lifetimes. yea, im willing to wait 9 lifetimes if thats how long it will take to find what ever it is im looking for.

9:27 a.m. - 2004-05-19

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