-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what else can i say to you?
last night i cried endlessly, i cried myself to sleep. i ahve so much shit on my mind, so much im just not sure how to feel about it all. so i cry, alone because i wasnt sure who i could tell that would understand. i just wanted to spill my guts to someone though, i really didnt want to be alone. but of course i didnt call anyone because im stupid. today is mine and williams 3 year anniversary, or it would be if we lasted. but i tried to write him a letter last night because i dont know why, just because there were some things i wanted to say but i dont actually want to talk to him. but i sat there for an hour looking at this piece of paper and i could just imagine the things that were written, but the first sentence stumped me. because i wasnt sure whether to write hello or goodbye. so i eventually gave up and got nothing accomplished. i figured that maybe it is for the best, it is for the best that we dont contact each other at all. i dont really miss him as a boyfriend, i miss him as my best friend. im not sure anyone understands how close we were, no one wants to understand that i lost my best friend in a split second and that is 100 times harder than losing a boyfriend. i have a new boyfriend that is wonderful, i dont and i dont need to think about william as a boyfriend, but i cant honestly say that i dont miss him as my friend. and i hope that chris could understand that because i need him to understand that. and normally i go through everyday and very seldom do i think about william, but april 30th, i knew today would come and i knew it would be hard to think about all the shit that i have gone through. it just brings it all back, everything, the good and the bad. and it just upsets me because i dont want to think about that, i dont want to think about any of that stuff. i think im going to go eat some breakfast and maybe cry.
9:54 a.m. - 2004-04-30
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
